We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
> Now here are the rules from the MALE perspective. These are our rules!
> Please note: These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
> down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about
> you leaving it down.
> 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not a contest to see if
> we can find the perfect present yet again!
> 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
> 1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
> tides. Let it be.
> 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
> short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
> married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
> it that way.
> 1. Crying is blackmail
> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
> not work! Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work! Just say
> what you want!
> 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
> calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
> 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
> be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
> your dress?
> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
> That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> 1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> 1. Check your oil! Please.
> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
> fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
> 1. If you won't dress like the Bra's n'Things girls, don't expect
> us to act like movie star guys.
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
> answer.
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
> makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway - it's genetic!
> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
> done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
> yourself.
> 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials.
> 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,
> for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
> no idea what mauve is.
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
> mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
> the hassle.
> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
> you don't want to hear.
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> fine. Really.
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or V8 touring
> cars.
> 1. You have enough clothes.
> 1. You have too many shoes.
> 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.(Unless it's Bruce Lee
> or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell
> they're saying anyway.)
> 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
> 1. I'm already in shape. 'ROUND' is a shape!